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Thursday, May 05, 2005

CNN: Ringbearers still at large

   By Marion Delgado at 3:50 PM

Mordor (CNN) - Reports from the field have just arrived that the notorious group of ring bearers known mysteriously only as "the nine" were spotted by a band of orcs entering the terrorist safe haven known as "Lothlorien" several days ago. The Mordor State Department issued an official proclamation today that the group were known to be armed and dangerous and had already caused the death of many orcs in the region as well as the notorious brutal murder of a high ranking Balrog previously residing in Moria. They warn that any concerned citizens were to contact the Mordor Foreign affairs office immediately with information as to the whereabouts of these fugitives and to not try and confront them themselves.

"We will act in our utmost to bring these terrorists to justice" President Sauron declared today. "These terrorists are attacking our way of life, our culture and the way we live. The world must know that the collected will of the dark lords minions will be strong and resolute."

First detected in the town of Bree in the north of middle Earth, these terrorists wasted no time in coldly taking the lives of all nine Ringwraith Agents when it was discovered that they were on a plot to topple Mordor. It is believed that the group is composed of primarily hobbits backed up by support from a wide variety of races including dwarves, elves, humans and a mysterious backer only known as "Mithrander".

"I must stress, hobbits are a primarily peace loving race" President Sauron warned today after a spate of hate attacks against hobbit dwellings. "These hobbits are extremists, fundamentalists, they do not speak for hobbit kind".

Agents also believe that these terrorists have strong links to the group that assassinated the foreign diplomat Smaug earlier this age. If so, it would explain the impressive array of mythical weapons that the group has acquired.

So far, the terrorist group has been utilizing safe houses in Elvish country to evade capture and have slipped past even the most stringent defences the Dark Lord has set in place. Residents are afraid for their children and people have stopped going out at night. "How am I going to let my kids go out and torture humans if I know that theres a group of orc killers roaming the countryside?" a concerned mother said today.

Experts believe that, if these rogues are not brought to justice, a rash of copy-cat attacks will follow and severely hurt the economy.

-- written by CNN correspondent, Saruman



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