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Friday, August 19, 2005

Those Annoying Bruce Berman Ads

   By Marion Delgado at 3:29 AM

THE AD

Two out-of-work porn actors are having a heated dialog:

OOWPA#1/"Employee": You can take this job and ...

OOWPA#2/"Boss": YEAH YEAH I KNOW -- TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT RIGHT???! WHADDDAYAGONNADOBOB? STADDABIDNIZ? HUH? HUH?

OOWPA#1: Yeah, uh

OOWPA#2: YOUGODDABIDNIZ PLAN? CANTRAISEMONEYWIDOUTABIDNIZPLANBOB!

OOWPA#1: Yeah, uh

OOWPA#2: WHADDDAYAKNOWABOUDSTADDINABIDNIZBOB? WHEYAGONNAGIDSTADUPMONEYBOB?? ... YOU EVEN KNOW *ABOUT* STADDUPMONEYBOB?

OOWPA#1:well ... uh ... my brother-in-law ...

OOWPA#2: YOU'RE *PATHETIC*! YOU NEED BRUCE BERMANS BOOK!

I would go on, but I get the funny feeling you're starting to hate me as much as you hate Bruce Berman (which, if you've ever heard the ad, you do).
I found this little gem on a quick web search:

Online Gurus

Bruce Berman"Bruce Berman is among the less known Internet marketers. He does not have any valid degree. However, he made 10 million dollars within the first year of his company. He informs on his website that his marketing techniques and systems have brought him huge sums of money. He also claims that others have made similar amounts by using such marketing techniques.
Bruce Berman’s products do not offer full guidelines for making money. Most of the facts and information on his products are available free on the Internet. When you pay money for products, you expect some detailed and specific information for making more money. The websites need to provide more techniques and secrets of making money.

Bruce Berman’s website offers a free book and CD but asks for all your personal information. Bruce claims that this will be necessary for mailing further information once you start making money through his proven methods. However, this page leads to another, which asks for shipping charges of $4.95.
You get thirty days to test his product and then send it back if you are not satisfied. However, the product stresses acquiring money and planning to start or expand existing business. Bruce claims that he earned $50,000,000 within four and half months when he made his plans public initially. However, there have been many before him who became wealthy soon after making a public offering.
It is difficult to understand the total information within thirty days and then the question of you applying techniques and earning money from them. You need to search through the package for information, which suggests that if you open the package and do not send it back or send it back within thirty days, you will be automatically charged $99.95. This charge does not find any justification.
Normally the guarantee period starts from the time you receive the package. However, persons from Bruce Berman’s office call up for an initial contact. Of course, they do not provide clear information and your guarantee period starts from the day of initial contact. Effectively, you only receive three weeks to study, understand and use it to earn money. Otherwise, you stand to lose $99.95.

Besides, even if you are fast enough and are able to do all that is in the product, you need to search extensively through the information to locate the customer service phone number. Again, the telephone line is permanently busy. Overall, Bruce Berman’s products only mislead you and cheat you of your money. There is no essence in them and definitely do you no-good. His website has an unsatisfactory rating from California BBB for many wrong and fraudulent advertising techniques. Most of them only deceive you. Hence, it is best for you to avoid Bruce Berman’s products.

The above is from a competitor, but that's how the system's supposed to work.
When you read the site you actually see one positive review.
In the contrarian spirit, let me put the facts less onesidedly than they are presented above, as I learned from the reviews posted.

If you decide YOU NEED BRUCE BERMAN'S BOOK you'll get a book and CD free. He charges $5 shipping and handling, which nowadays is only a little high.
He will also send you, unasked for, a set of 4 CDs the nominal cost of which is $100 if you don't return them within 30 days from when they're sent, unopened.

IF you decide you just want the book and original CD, send the other CDs back, and if the Bruce Berman people try to charge you because they got your credit card out of you, tell your CC company it's not authorized and the BB people will drop it.
On the other hand if you do want the other 4 CDs then call the BB people and tell them you do NOT want the CDs. The BB people are supposed to talk you into keeping them at a lower price. They are told to go down to 10% - $10. Therefore, you can get the book and CD for $5 and a little hassle - which could be fun if you tell the Bruce Bermaners they're busted.
You can have all of it for $15 but you have to put on a little show of resistance.
The other item I found from the competitor's review site was the claim that Bruce Berman's father made him millions in his 20s more than Bruce's business acumen. Color me shocked - shocked!

1 Comments:

Blogger Marion Delgado said...

I will also note that capitalism produces worse crap than communism ever thought of.

They would have been better off having Stalin write their ad copy.

1:24 PM  

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