Ancient scroll material left out of KJV and NIV bibles

Tue Jun-04-02 02:06 PM (This would have been Matthew LXIX:I-III)

And on a certain day Jesus came to a village wherein a herd of swine were much disturbed. The Lord, who always troubled with the least creature just as the lord God sees every sparrow that falls and clothes the smallest lily in the field, spoke unto one of the swine and enquired as to the problem.

'Well,' said the largest boar in the herd, 'We're all infested with demons from the last time you came through. We're the descendents of the survivors of the herd that went off the cliff and into the water.'

Taking pity on them, Jesus said, 'Demons typically hang out in the heart valves of swine. Unfortunately, only by sacrificing some heart valves can you be rid of these tormenting imps.'

Realizing that Jesus could do surgery without cutting and stitching, the swine implored him to help them, nonetheless.

'Very well,' Christ replied. 'Do you see that herd of racist, xenophobic tobacco-pushing Republican corporate whores over there?' If you will donate a heart valve each to the largest boar in the herd, the demons will leave you and infest them.'

And so it came to pass, that the Lord made that the valves passed from the swine even into Jesse, which was the name of the largest boar in the herd of republicans, and thence into his fellow republicans.

Weaker in heart but stronger spiritually, the swine thanked Jesus and frolicked off, albeit at a gentle pace.

Mindful of the results of his last intervention, Jesus enquired of the republicans how they had been affected by being infested with demons of a sudden.

'I haven't noticed a thing, Lord,' said Jesse. The other republicans concurred.

And so it came to pass that all were pleased. And the disciples and also the people of the village marvelled much at the works which the Lord had caused to "

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The above was discovered by me in mid-2002, and represents a major Christian find.