Nothing To See HereBy Emelius at 11:28 AM
When it comes to national security, we must take every measure to ensure Fearless Leaders safety. Next weeks inaugural will be no different. In addition to the military taking to the streets, snipers in the towers, sticks prohibited, and drug, erm bomb sniffing dogs, we must not forget the most important thing. Don't Look At The President! In an effort to protect the president from any witchcraft, voodoo, X-Men, and general onlookers, the Secret Service has advised people who will be in the parade, to not look at Fearless Leader. Maybe the reason is because the president will actually be a body double and doesn't want anyone to get a close up look or perhaps they will notice that instead of the president, there will be a 2D cut out will only look real on camera. Or perhaps the reason is that he is shy. Whatever the reason, this surely has to be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard and reminds me of some Chinese military protocol viewing. In the end, I think it is being done to do nothing more than look good on TV, make the president feel important, and make as much pomp and circumstance as they can. This is just another embarrassment to an already fantasy living presidential reign.
Anti-abortion protesters have been warned to leave their crosses at home. Parade performers will have security escorts to the bathroom, and they've been ordered not to look directly at President Bush or make any sudden movements while passing the reviewing stand.